A few years ago while still serving as Lead pastor for Word of Life Baku I was apart of a group of people from different ministries and churches, mostly foreigners. Good people who felt the Lord had called them to Baku for some kind of outreach or ministry.
Now for some reason someone wanted to create an umbrella organisation for all the others to be apart of. When I prayed about it I felt very clearly the Lord leading us a church in a slight other direction. Due to that I started to agitate and influence this group of people in a certain direction. This didn’t no really turn out so well and they kind of ignored my attempts, which I didn’t like at all of course:), an due to this I developed a stinking attitude in my heart toward those brothers and sisters. The more I prayed about it the more I was convinced the Lord was leading us in a slight other direction (later it became evident it was the right thing for us to do). And I got more and more upset about the direction they where taking this ‘umbrella organisation’.
My attitude really started to smell bad before God I guess. But still I was more and more convinced I was walking the right direction, but with a stinking attitude! One day as I was having my daily devotion one scripture popped out of the bible from Psalms 50:23 ‘Whoever offers praise glorifies Me’ and I suddenly realized all those people I was so upset about actually praised God everyday. I got so convicted there by myself in my prayer closet so I repented and decided to go before them and and change my decision to not be apart of that particular Umbrella organisation.
Then something happened in my heart, I kind of heard a small voice saying, ‘The problem was your attitude not the decision you’ve made on which way to walk’. I realized the Lord was leading us a different path forward and I had wanted them all to take the same road, and I had tried to make them do so. But the way was mine to follow, I can’t say about them nor make decisions for them, it had to be their choices and whatever choice they made, whether I agree or had another opinion about it I had to still love them and keep my heart clean before God.
My point is I made the right choice but with a bad attitude! I had to change my attitude not my choice.
‘Lord help us to walk before you with a clean and open heart’
Matsjan